OK, so I feel a little embarrassed sharing this. It is really such a little thing. And it really doesn't matter that much. It is not a serious trial like losing a baby or being in a plane crash, but it is my trial so I am going to claim it. I will probably never buy a house of my own.
When we decided to move to Hawaii, I knew that not being able to buy a house was part of the deal. But I was getting to move to Hawaii, so I figured it was a good trade. But every once in a while that little girl who used to look through the JcPenney's catalog and decide how she wanted her house to look feels a bit sad.
It's not that I don't get to decorate. I have had lots of practice decorating all of our rental houses, but it has always been temporary, so I never wanted to put that much time and money into it. Maybe I am thinking about this right now because we are stuck in temporary housing until some faculty housing opens up.
I have to admit that it is more than a little frustrating not to know when or where we will be moving. I mean, it is one thing to accept that we will never buy a house, but not to be able to choose what the house looks like or where it is located! It has taken every ounce of my patience to continue waiting for housing to come available and even more inner strength to give up control over what and where our housing will be.
I know in my mind that we are probably better off not buying a house. There are lots of other things I would rather spend money on than a new water heater. And once we move into more permanent housing, I will feel more settled in and will once again be OK with never buying a house. I think the waiting and wondering are just getting the best of me.